My kids are growing up. My daughter is getting married in two weeks, and this will be our fifth child to get married. I'm so happy for my girl and her fiance, and I've been thinking about all the things I want to tell them. I have so many things I've learned over time that I want them to know....that I want every young couple to know. So in a tribute to my daughter and her fiance, and to young couples everywhere, here are a few things that can contribute to a happy marriage.
1. Be faithful. You are committing to each other, so be REALLY committed. Let no one come between the two of you....not a coworker, not an old flame, not a friend , not someone new you meet. No one. Be completely true and faithful to your spouse in every way. You both deserve that.
2. Be one in purpose. The two of you make one family unit now, and nothing or no one is more important than your marriage. Set goals for your future that you work on together. Include each other in all decisions and in every part of life.
3. Pray together. Invite God to be a part of your marriage and let Him guide you as you build your life together. No one loves the two of you more than He does, and He truly wants you to make it. Let Him help you.
4. Speak kindly to each other. A soft answer can turn things around when conversations become tense and opinions differ. The relationship is more important than being right or getting your way.
5. Never forget that you are sweethearts first. You may become parents, business partners, or have other roles together, but first and foremost, you are sweethearts. I love to see older couples walking hand in hand in the park, or sitting next to each other in an old truck.....still sweethearts after all those years. I want to grow up to be just like them.
6. Smile at each other. Yes, you see each other every day, and life can become commonplace and mundane. So smile at your sweetheart when you wake up, when they or you get home from work or school, when you are in a crowd of people and you suddenly look at each other, when you are eating dinner together, whenever they don't expect it. It will warm both of your hearts and create a feeling of togetherness and understanding.
7. Do kind little things for each other. The other day I opened up my lunch bag, and found that the night before, my husband had stashed a little bag of white chocolate covered pretzels in there for me to find. He knows I like them, and finding them made me feel so loved. It was a small, sweet gesture that made my whole day. It's all the little things added up together that makes a great marriage and life.
Really, I could ramble on about all this for days, so I'll leave it at this. If both people want the marriage to last and be as good as it can be, you have a winning formula. One cannot make it work alone, but together you can accomplish anything. My love and prayers go with all of you that are embarking on this new adventure.
Love,
Michelle
Friday, July 29, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Can Painful Memories Be Erased?
Is it possible to erase painful memories? One of my readers expressed that concern to me this week, and it is a very valid question. It's natural to want anything that hurts to go away, and memories of betrayal or rejection are among the most painful. I don't think my new friend and I are alone in that sentiment.
You know in your heart of hearts that aside from a lobotomy, complete erasure of any memory, painful or not, is not really possible. We can try to block it out, distract ourselves with some other activity, pretend it's not there, but those nagging memories still pop up, don't they? Relentless little boogers.
What IS possible, is to put those memories in their place, and ease the pain they cause us. And to do that, we must let them be a part of our life rather than trying to banish them from existence. What if, instead of trying to get rid of them, we look at them a little differently? Seeing something from a different perspective will accomplish what we are looking for.....less pain. More happy feelings. More PEACE. You KNOW how I love peace.
So how, exactly, do we do that? I don't claim to have all the answers, so I can only tell what has worked for me and others like me.
First, decide that what someone else did to you does not define you. Their opinions and actions are theirs, not yours, not anyone else. Instead of thinking of that person as 'the one' that you lost, realize that they are just one in a group of individuals that you 'tried on' and they weren't the best fit for you. Just someone from your past that didn't appreciate how great you are. Their loss. They were a stepping stone for you to learn what you could, and decide what you definitely want and don't want. When you take away their supreme importance in your life, the pain they can inflict even years after what they did, is lessened considerably.
Next, focus on the good. The good in your life currently, the good things you learned in the past, the blessings you have been given, and the person you have become because of your experiences. It's like when you look at a painting and you focus on one certain thing, the rest looks blurred and not as important. Memories and life experiences are like that too....focus on the good and the other parts will blur and fade.
Then, make some new memories. Big, fun, happy recent memories help to minimize past memories. And being satisfied and happy with your current life is what everyone wants, right? Plan some great things for yourself and enjoy them as they unfold. Soon the memories of painful things in your past will be just that....a distant memory. Who? Oh, yeah...I almost forgot about them ;) Okay, maybe that is an over-statement, but you get the idea.
And last, forgive them. I wrote about forgiveness a couple of months ago in this blog, so you may want to refer to 'Set Yourself Free'. To break the hold those painful memories have on our lives, we need to forgive the ones who hurt us...whether they asked for it or not, and whether they deserve it or not. This is all about you finding peace and happiness, my darling friend....it's not about them. Let God heal you by forgiving all His children. He appreciates and loves your forgiving heart, and He blesses you ten-fold for your effort by healing your broken heart and giving you more than you ever dreamed possible. This last thing makes the biggest difference and does the most for you. It did for me.
You are made up of a million things....genes, memories, experiences, beliefs, gifts, talents, actions....I could go on and on. You are not made up of 'them'. Let 'them' go.....and embrace YOU.
My best to you, my friend.
Love, Michelle
You know in your heart of hearts that aside from a lobotomy, complete erasure of any memory, painful or not, is not really possible. We can try to block it out, distract ourselves with some other activity, pretend it's not there, but those nagging memories still pop up, don't they? Relentless little boogers.
What IS possible, is to put those memories in their place, and ease the pain they cause us. And to do that, we must let them be a part of our life rather than trying to banish them from existence. What if, instead of trying to get rid of them, we look at them a little differently? Seeing something from a different perspective will accomplish what we are looking for.....less pain. More happy feelings. More PEACE. You KNOW how I love peace.
So how, exactly, do we do that? I don't claim to have all the answers, so I can only tell what has worked for me and others like me.
First, decide that what someone else did to you does not define you. Their opinions and actions are theirs, not yours, not anyone else. Instead of thinking of that person as 'the one' that you lost, realize that they are just one in a group of individuals that you 'tried on' and they weren't the best fit for you. Just someone from your past that didn't appreciate how great you are. Their loss. They were a stepping stone for you to learn what you could, and decide what you definitely want and don't want. When you take away their supreme importance in your life, the pain they can inflict even years after what they did, is lessened considerably.
Next, focus on the good. The good in your life currently, the good things you learned in the past, the blessings you have been given, and the person you have become because of your experiences. It's like when you look at a painting and you focus on one certain thing, the rest looks blurred and not as important. Memories and life experiences are like that too....focus on the good and the other parts will blur and fade.
Then, make some new memories. Big, fun, happy recent memories help to minimize past memories. And being satisfied and happy with your current life is what everyone wants, right? Plan some great things for yourself and enjoy them as they unfold. Soon the memories of painful things in your past will be just that....a distant memory. Who? Oh, yeah...I almost forgot about them ;) Okay, maybe that is an over-statement, but you get the idea.
And last, forgive them. I wrote about forgiveness a couple of months ago in this blog, so you may want to refer to 'Set Yourself Free'. To break the hold those painful memories have on our lives, we need to forgive the ones who hurt us...whether they asked for it or not, and whether they deserve it or not. This is all about you finding peace and happiness, my darling friend....it's not about them. Let God heal you by forgiving all His children. He appreciates and loves your forgiving heart, and He blesses you ten-fold for your effort by healing your broken heart and giving you more than you ever dreamed possible. This last thing makes the biggest difference and does the most for you. It did for me.
You are made up of a million things....genes, memories, experiences, beliefs, gifts, talents, actions....I could go on and on. You are not made up of 'them'. Let 'them' go.....and embrace YOU.
My best to you, my friend.
Love, Michelle
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