My dear friend, if you are dealing with the pain of your spouse or significant other betraying you, I want to help you survive and thrive. In those first few days after the discovery of betrayal, the pain you feel is searing and debilitating. I would love to wrap my arms around you and whisper words of comfort to you. I do understand the hopelessness you may feel, and I want to offer a few ideas that were helpful to me, and that I pray will be helpful to you.
First, do one thing every day that you WANT to do. Do at least one thing every day that brings you some peace, happiness, joy or comfort. Be it small or grand, put yourself first for at least a few minutes and do something you enjoy. Your feelings matter, and since your spouse has done something to hurt you, you must counter that by doing something to heal yourself.
Second, be gentle and kind to yourself. While there may be a tenancy to beat yourself up, please don't. This is not the time to be hard on yourself. This is the time to be your own best friend. Treat yourself as you would your dearest, closest friend. Protect, serve, encourage and love YOU.
Third, do something kind for someone else at least once a day. Doing so will heal you far more than you realize. When you think you have nothing to give, if you reach out to one other human being, you will find that it will help you feel good inside and will take the focus off the pain you feel, even if only for a few minutes. It will strengthen you and bless you to do something kind for another.
Fourth, believe that you deserve to be treated with respect. If your spouse (or anyone else in your life) does not treat you with the respect you deserve, then some decisions about who you allow in your life will need to be made. You may want to refer to my blog posting earlier this year, titled 'What About Unhealthy Relationships?' Putting some distance between you and your spouse may be necessary for your survival....only you can decide that.
I know that you can pick yourself up and not only survive, but eventually thrive after this gut wrenching experience. I did, and you can, too. We are stronger than we think we are, and we are certainly stronger than whatever they can throw at us. My love and support go with you, my dear friend.
Love, Michelle
