We are pulled in so many directions, are we not? Everything and everyone needs something from us that takes some of our energy. In addition, we have issues that arise at work, with family members, and the many injustices we witness. So with all of that going on in our lives and all around us, where do we put our energy?
It really boils down to setting our priorities. What is most important to you? What is the best use of your energy?
If you are feeling pulled in too many directions and overwhelmed with too much going on in your life, deciding what is the very most important aspect of your life, and then the next, and so on will help you choose what to focus on and what to let go.
For example, my husband recently had an injustice done to him at work. Many of them, actually. He has several options open to him. He can choose to fight for his rights at work and get others involved to help him or he can find a different job, or a completely different field. He could even choose to ignore it and keep his concerns to himself. Which option is best for him? This situation has given him an opportunity to decide if he wants to continue in his current field or do something that he has always wanted to do. At first he wanted to fight and try to make things more fair, but after some reflection he decided that the best use of his energy would be to follow his passion into a new field, and not try to carve a better environment for himself at his current job.
Each situation is different, of course, and only you can decide where you should spend your precious energy. If we direct our energy into those areas and relationships in our lives that mean the very most to us and will have the best and most positive impact, we will find that we don't feel the stress that we would if we were always trying to right every single wrong that pops up in our lives. If it's worth the energy, then by all means, give it your all. If your energy could be directed for a higher cause for yourself, then put it toward your higher cause.
It feels incredible to free yourself and let go of something that is sucking all your energy and causing you a great deal of stress. Ask yourself, 'is spending my energy on this the best thing for me?'
There may a relationship that is sucking the life out of you and takes a great deal of your energy. Is it worth putting your energy into that relationship? Are you getting what is best for you from that relationship? Perhaps less time with that person would be best for you....only you can decide.
Moving away from situations and people who are not for your best good is very empowering and puts you in control of your own life. It takes courage and being very honest with yourself. And the payoff is a more focused, clear heart and mind. So worth it, my friend. Life is too short to waste your energy on things that don't really matter or that take you away from achieving your life's purposes.
Be brave and get clear, my friend, and put your energy in the very best places for you. Then enjoy the peace of mind that comes with that clarity and sense of purpose.
Love, Michelle
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Trusting Someone New After Betrayal
When someone hurts us deeply, the natural human behavior is to build a wall around ourselves so that no one can ever hurt us again. I would daresay that you have done this at least one time in your life. I have done it more than once. Evidently I'm a slow learner.
There are many things I could say about this, but I'm going to cut right to the core. When you want something, you will never get it if you don't risk. You can choose to protect yourself forever, but then you will never have what you want. Cocooning yourself may be necessary for a time so you can heal, but eventually, when your desire to have a loving committed relationship is present, risking your heart again is necessary to have it.
You'll notice that I'm not talking about rebuilding trust in a relationship where trust has already been broken. I have not found success in that area. It has been my experience that I have to be away from the person who hurt me to completely heal. I do know that it is possible to rebuild trust within a relationship, because I know people who have done it and have a successful marriage. I'm not one of those people and I can only write what I know.
I do know this: To treat a new person in our life as if they will betray us like the last one did does not get us what we want, and it is very unfair to the new person. It keeps us in a continual loop of loneliness and pain. In order to heal we must get outside that loop.
So how do we do that?
After you have taken the time needed to heal from the betrayal of someone you have loved and trusted, when you feel stronger and ready to move on, then the decision to trust is simply that; a decision. You can decide to be brave and trust someone new, a level at a time, when you find someone who has the qualities in a partner that you want. The other part of that is to be someone THEY can trust. We attract what we focus on. Focusing on trust and companionship, knowing that we deserve it and can have it, will bring it to us.
Are you attracted to happy, successful people? I know I am....I love being around those people who exude happiness and confidence. And you know what they all say? They automatically trust others to have the best intentions towards them. And they don't worry about being betrayed. They EXPECT loyalty and all things good from those around them. And if someone decides not to give that to them, they don't spend time with that person and they move on. They know that they deserve the best, they expect it, and they don't associate with people who go through life hurting others. They simply move away from them and gravitate to those who are like themselves....loving, trusting, confident and happy. If you are saying to yourselves that they must be lucky, let me assure you that all the truly happy, successful people I know or have studied with, have all been deeply hurt by the betrayal of someone they loved and trusted. They have learned, as I have, that trusting others is a conscience decision. They have moved above and away from the pain from their past to build a happy life and successful relationships with others. That decision and attitude gives them power over their own destiny, just as it will give you power over yours.
I go over more of this process of healing and trusting in my new book, 'Move On Be Happy-Getting Past Betrayal', so watch for it later this year. Know in your heart that happiness is possible, and that the power to create it is inside you. You are a powerful being, and everything you want WANTS YOU, my friend.
Love, Michelle
There are many things I could say about this, but I'm going to cut right to the core. When you want something, you will never get it if you don't risk. You can choose to protect yourself forever, but then you will never have what you want. Cocooning yourself may be necessary for a time so you can heal, but eventually, when your desire to have a loving committed relationship is present, risking your heart again is necessary to have it.
You'll notice that I'm not talking about rebuilding trust in a relationship where trust has already been broken. I have not found success in that area. It has been my experience that I have to be away from the person who hurt me to completely heal. I do know that it is possible to rebuild trust within a relationship, because I know people who have done it and have a successful marriage. I'm not one of those people and I can only write what I know.
I do know this: To treat a new person in our life as if they will betray us like the last one did does not get us what we want, and it is very unfair to the new person. It keeps us in a continual loop of loneliness and pain. In order to heal we must get outside that loop.
So how do we do that?
After you have taken the time needed to heal from the betrayal of someone you have loved and trusted, when you feel stronger and ready to move on, then the decision to trust is simply that; a decision. You can decide to be brave and trust someone new, a level at a time, when you find someone who has the qualities in a partner that you want. The other part of that is to be someone THEY can trust. We attract what we focus on. Focusing on trust and companionship, knowing that we deserve it and can have it, will bring it to us.
Are you attracted to happy, successful people? I know I am....I love being around those people who exude happiness and confidence. And you know what they all say? They automatically trust others to have the best intentions towards them. And they don't worry about being betrayed. They EXPECT loyalty and all things good from those around them. And if someone decides not to give that to them, they don't spend time with that person and they move on. They know that they deserve the best, they expect it, and they don't associate with people who go through life hurting others. They simply move away from them and gravitate to those who are like themselves....loving, trusting, confident and happy. If you are saying to yourselves that they must be lucky, let me assure you that all the truly happy, successful people I know or have studied with, have all been deeply hurt by the betrayal of someone they loved and trusted. They have learned, as I have, that trusting others is a conscience decision. They have moved above and away from the pain from their past to build a happy life and successful relationships with others. That decision and attitude gives them power over their own destiny, just as it will give you power over yours.
I go over more of this process of healing and trusting in my new book, 'Move On Be Happy-Getting Past Betrayal', so watch for it later this year. Know in your heart that happiness is possible, and that the power to create it is inside you. You are a powerful being, and everything you want WANTS YOU, my friend.
Love, Michelle
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
The Best Decision I Ever Made
Let me throw some words out at you. Faith. Hope. Trust. What comes to your mind? What emotions do you feel when you read or say those words?
Maybe those words cause you to feel irritation and pain....maybe they make you feel peaceful and calm. Or perhaps invigorated and energetic. That depends on where you are in your journey on this earth. What you lived through and what you are learning right now.
I'm going to share a secret with you....something very personal. It is the single most important decision I ever made in my life.
When I was at my very lowest, after I experienced the betrayal of my former husband's infidelity when my children were very young, I was in so much pain I didn't know how I could keep going. The pain in my heart manifested in an actual physical pain in my chest and stomach that never went away.
It had been eight months since I learned of his infidelity and I had suffered a complete breakdown, and yet it felt like it had happened yesterday. I woke up in the middle of the night and wrapped myself in a big cotton quilt and curled up on my couch and looked out into the night sky, wondering if God was there. At that time in my life I was angry with God and thought he didn't care about me. My attitude was, 'hey just leave me alone and I'll leave you alone'. I had felt that way for about four years.
That night I felt so hopeless and broken and I knew something had to change. What had I not tried to help me heal? I felt very, very alone and small.
I desperately needed someone to be bigger than me to fix all of this. I was so tired of fighting life and having everything fall on my shoulders. I needed someone to help me carry the tremendous load I was carrying. So I did the only thing left to try.....
I prayed. I started timid and quiet, and then more open and pleading. I told God that I obviously didn't have any answers and I desperately needed help. I was so broken that I was willing to let Him lead me. I would do whatever He prompted me to do. I needed help raising and comforting my children, and I needed help healing from my broken heart. I told Him everything....and turned my life over to Him so I could survive.
And that's when the miracle took place. I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion of praying and sobbing, and when I awoke a few hours later, the pain that I felt in my chest was greatly diminished! It was noticeably reduced right from the moment I woke up and could hear my babies. What a great relief! I silently prayed again, so grateful.
So that's my big secret. Simple. Profound. Real. What I've learned is that God loves each of us and He is very aware of every single thought and experience we have. He adores us and wants to communicate with us. All we have to do is allow Him to do that.
There are many things that helped me heal from that very painful experience, and all of those things are in the book I'm writing. Complete healing took time, of course. And of all the things that worked, trusting God and letting Him direct me helped the very most. It was the best thing I ever did...for myself and for my family.
If you've tried everything else, try giving complete surrender and trust to the One who loves you most.....you might find that you wish, like I did, that you had tried that first.
Love, Michelle
Maybe those words cause you to feel irritation and pain....maybe they make you feel peaceful and calm. Or perhaps invigorated and energetic. That depends on where you are in your journey on this earth. What you lived through and what you are learning right now.
I'm going to share a secret with you....something very personal. It is the single most important decision I ever made in my life.
When I was at my very lowest, after I experienced the betrayal of my former husband's infidelity when my children were very young, I was in so much pain I didn't know how I could keep going. The pain in my heart manifested in an actual physical pain in my chest and stomach that never went away.
It had been eight months since I learned of his infidelity and I had suffered a complete breakdown, and yet it felt like it had happened yesterday. I woke up in the middle of the night and wrapped myself in a big cotton quilt and curled up on my couch and looked out into the night sky, wondering if God was there. At that time in my life I was angry with God and thought he didn't care about me. My attitude was, 'hey just leave me alone and I'll leave you alone'. I had felt that way for about four years.
That night I felt so hopeless and broken and I knew something had to change. What had I not tried to help me heal? I felt very, very alone and small.
I desperately needed someone to be bigger than me to fix all of this. I was so tired of fighting life and having everything fall on my shoulders. I needed someone to help me carry the tremendous load I was carrying. So I did the only thing left to try.....
I prayed. I started timid and quiet, and then more open and pleading. I told God that I obviously didn't have any answers and I desperately needed help. I was so broken that I was willing to let Him lead me. I would do whatever He prompted me to do. I needed help raising and comforting my children, and I needed help healing from my broken heart. I told Him everything....and turned my life over to Him so I could survive.
And that's when the miracle took place. I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion of praying and sobbing, and when I awoke a few hours later, the pain that I felt in my chest was greatly diminished! It was noticeably reduced right from the moment I woke up and could hear my babies. What a great relief! I silently prayed again, so grateful.
So that's my big secret. Simple. Profound. Real. What I've learned is that God loves each of us and He is very aware of every single thought and experience we have. He adores us and wants to communicate with us. All we have to do is allow Him to do that.
There are many things that helped me heal from that very painful experience, and all of those things are in the book I'm writing. Complete healing took time, of course. And of all the things that worked, trusting God and letting Him direct me helped the very most. It was the best thing I ever did...for myself and for my family.
If you've tried everything else, try giving complete surrender and trust to the One who loves you most.....you might find that you wish, like I did, that you had tried that first.
Love, Michelle
Friday, February 11, 2011
You Want What You Want
The things you want in life, the dreams you have.....they don't die, do they? If someone tries to discourage you and tell you that what you want can't happen, you still want it. You can see yourself having and doing and being what you want, and even if you can't see a way to get it, you still want it.
You want what you want.
I love stories about people that face incredible odds, and yet they still achieve their dreams. They don't give up, they keep trying and they don't let negativity stop them. Slow them down for a minute...sure, that's human nature. But they get up again and they keep trying. Love it!
The most successful, happy people are those that know what they want and they never stop trying to get it. They want what they want, and it's too important to them to give up.
I have things in life that I want....very much. You do, too. And even when I've been so down that I didn't think I'd ever have any of it, I still wanted it. Can you relate to that?
Treat your dreams and the things you want with respect and reverence. We all have our own set of unique talents and interests. They are gifts from God, and tell you so much about your purpose in life. Believe that you were given those things to help you achieve all the greatness inside you, and the Universe wants to help you get there.
Love, Michelle
You want what you want.
I love stories about people that face incredible odds, and yet they still achieve their dreams. They don't give up, they keep trying and they don't let negativity stop them. Slow them down for a minute...sure, that's human nature. But they get up again and they keep trying. Love it!
The most successful, happy people are those that know what they want and they never stop trying to get it. They want what they want, and it's too important to them to give up.
I have things in life that I want....very much. You do, too. And even when I've been so down that I didn't think I'd ever have any of it, I still wanted it. Can you relate to that?
Treat your dreams and the things you want with respect and reverence. We all have our own set of unique talents and interests. They are gifts from God, and tell you so much about your purpose in life. Believe that you were given those things to help you achieve all the greatness inside you, and the Universe wants to help you get there.
Love, Michelle
Sunday, February 6, 2011
A Little Kindness Goes a Long Way
One of the things I've learned over my adult life is try and be kind to everyone, no matter the situation. And I'm sure I have failed at that sometimes. And when you run into someone from the past, maybe even your childhood, that you were not kind to, guilt can consume you. So maybe you and I can try together to always be courteous and kind to everyone we meet. Less guilt and more good feelings are always a good thing.
There are days when it's hard to be kind to others...especially if you're having a bad day of your own. But showing a little kindness will go along way to at least not transferring your bad day on to someone else. And don't we always appreciate when someone is kind and warm to us, even if we have done nothing to get it from them? They just offered it? Fabulous. God Bless all the nice folks out there!
I recently came across a boy from my childhood neighborhood on Facebook. I had not seen anything about him since we were kids. And I was immediately struck with delight at finding him there, and then a wash of guilt. He had been picked on by the neighborhood, and I have no idea why. And I while I don't remember if I was ever rude or mean right to his face, I'm certain that I did not stand up and defend him or tell anyone to leave him alone. Because I was picked on myself sometimes, I desperately wanted to be accepted and not excluded, so I joined them or at least didn't separate myself from the masses at the time. And now I feel guilt. Bless his forgiving heart, he accepted my 'friendship' on Facebook, even though I don't deserve it. And I'm so glad to see how successful and happy he is. He's a smart guy and turned lemons into lemonade.
So I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I always feel so bad if I let outside influences decide what my behavior is, and I'm all about doing whatever is going to bring the most happiness into my life and to YOUR life. Everyone we meet has their own pain and their own struggles, just like us. Everyone we meet is connected to the same energy we are, and whatever we put out there will come right back to us. So let's strive to always put out love, compassion and kindness and keep the flow of energy pure and happy swirling around us. It's a 'win' for everyone, and goes a long way in creating a positive feelings in yourself and others. Now THAT'S power.
Love, Michelle
There are days when it's hard to be kind to others...especially if you're having a bad day of your own. But showing a little kindness will go along way to at least not transferring your bad day on to someone else. And don't we always appreciate when someone is kind and warm to us, even if we have done nothing to get it from them? They just offered it? Fabulous. God Bless all the nice folks out there!
I recently came across a boy from my childhood neighborhood on Facebook. I had not seen anything about him since we were kids. And I was immediately struck with delight at finding him there, and then a wash of guilt. He had been picked on by the neighborhood, and I have no idea why. And I while I don't remember if I was ever rude or mean right to his face, I'm certain that I did not stand up and defend him or tell anyone to leave him alone. Because I was picked on myself sometimes, I desperately wanted to be accepted and not excluded, so I joined them or at least didn't separate myself from the masses at the time. And now I feel guilt. Bless his forgiving heart, he accepted my 'friendship' on Facebook, even though I don't deserve it. And I'm so glad to see how successful and happy he is. He's a smart guy and turned lemons into lemonade.
So I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I always feel so bad if I let outside influences decide what my behavior is, and I'm all about doing whatever is going to bring the most happiness into my life and to YOUR life. Everyone we meet has their own pain and their own struggles, just like us. Everyone we meet is connected to the same energy we are, and whatever we put out there will come right back to us. So let's strive to always put out love, compassion and kindness and keep the flow of energy pure and happy swirling around us. It's a 'win' for everyone, and goes a long way in creating a positive feelings in yourself and others. Now THAT'S power.
Love, Michelle
Friday, February 4, 2011
My 'Thank You' to you
I really appreciate you for joining me and reading the things I write....they come from my heart and I feel like you and I have a connection. So to say 'Thank You', and I am opening up a contest of my own for you to win a year of free life coaching with me. If you are the winner, each week you will get a one hour life coaching session with me for an entire year! We'll talk about the things you want to accomplish in your life and we'll identify the blocks you might have that are stopping you from getting what you truly want in life, and we'll clear them out together. You'll tell me about the life you want to live, and the dreams you have for yourself, and then together we'll take the steps to get you there! My normal fee for a one hour session is $45, so the prize is worth $2840.
To enter in the contest to win a year of free life coaching with me, just click on the link on the top right of this page to watch the 1 minute video of me talking about my new book, 'Move On, Be Happy' in The Next Top Self Help Author contest. Then if you like what I have to say, vote for me. That's it! Send me an email at moveonbehappy@yahoo.com and let me know you voted and I will put your name in the drawing for a year of free life coaching with me. I don't go in to check and make sure you did....I just take you at your word and we are ready to go. The contest goes on the entire month of February, and the winner will be announced the first week of March.
Thank you for your support of my blog and of my new book. I will post my 'normal' blog content this weekend with more helpful tips on how to Move On, Be Happy!
Love,
Michelle
To enter in the contest to win a year of free life coaching with me, just click on the link on the top right of this page to watch the 1 minute video of me talking about my new book, 'Move On, Be Happy' in The Next Top Self Help Author contest. Then if you like what I have to say, vote for me. That's it! Send me an email at moveonbehappy@yahoo.com and let me know you voted and I will put your name in the drawing for a year of free life coaching with me. I don't go in to check and make sure you did....I just take you at your word and we are ready to go. The contest goes on the entire month of February, and the winner will be announced the first week of March.
Thank you for your support of my blog and of my new book. I will post my 'normal' blog content this weekend with more helpful tips on how to Move On, Be Happy!
Love,
Michelle
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