Is there someone in your life who claims to love you, and yet you don't feel loved by them based on the way they treat you? Maybe they are putting you through guilt trips or manipulations, always saying they know what's best for you....but it makes you feel bad. Maybe it's even worse and it is a constant psychological warfare of mind games that makes you feel like YOU might be crazy.
Let me be clear about this-No one has the right to manipulate you or abuse you in any way, emotionally or physically. I don't care if it's your parent, spouse, child, sibling, friend, neighbor, coworker...whoever. If that relationship makes you feel bad about yourself in any way, perhaps that is a relationship that doesn't belong in your life. No matter who that person is in your life, if they are controlling or manipulative or toxic in any way, send them love and release yourself from that environment. It is not your job to fix them, but it is your job to protect and love yourself, and sometime that means cutting someone out of your life that is harmful to you in some way.
I can hear some protests out there...."But she's my sister! (Or dad or best friend or husband or boss) How am I supposed to not have a relationship with him or her?" And "Doesn't God expect me to just be kind and tolerant?" My dear friend, yes, we are expected to be kind and loving and forgiving, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing that from a distance if someone is toxic to you and the relationship is unhealthy.
Please don't get me wrong. I am all for trying to work things out with people and talk about any differences of opinions that are causing turmoil. I'm not saying to walk away from someone at the first sign of trouble. I'm talking about emotional warfare, from mild to extreme. None of it is okay, and when talking about it and asking them to stop with the guilt trips and manipulation doesn't work, then I believe God expects us to take good care of ourselves by removing ourselves from a unhealthy situation.
There will be others who will tell you that closing off contact with someone in your life is selfish and wrong, especially if that someone is a family member. I'm here to tell you that, if that relationship is harmful to you, then it is necessary for your well-being. If someone says they love you, but their behavior doesn’t feel loving to you, listen to your instincts and do what is right for you.
Marriage or love relationships that are toxic can cause the most harm. If the person is unwilling to treat you with the love and respect that every human being deserves, then it is time to release that relationship. I’m not taking about every day issues that come up and can be solved with a heart to heart talk and some understanding. I’m talking about emotionally or physically abusive relationships, or those that are emotionally toxic to you. One of my favorite speakers, Kim Flynn, says we release those that are any one of the 3 A’s: Abusive, Addictive or Adulterous. Pretty clear.
Know that you deserve to be treated with the utmost respect and love. Know that you deserve to be happy and loved. Know that God wants that for you and cries with you when someone hurts you. He also expects you to love yourself enough to take good care of yourself and keep yourself from harm, no matter where that harm comes from. It takes courage and strength, and I know you have it in you, my friend.
Love, Michelle
