One of the most difficult things about being a parent, at least of adult children, is letting go and allowing them to make choices without our input. I think all parents and grandparents struggle with this. Even aunts and uncles and teachers and leaders struggle. It's so hard to keep our mouth shut and let those younger and with less experience make their own mistakes, isn't it?
But it is VITAL to their growth.
And really, it's vital to our own. It's called 'free agency' and every human being is granted that beautiful gift by God. So doesn't it make sense, that since He allows every person to choose, and then succeed or stumble, that WE should allow the same? It is a sign of maturity and peace when we support and love, and butt out. Without comment, without a guilt trip, without a warning, and without judgment. Just love and let go. God has done that for you and I, and He expects us to learn to do that for others. Our children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, parents, siblings, friends, neighbors....every adult.
Understand that, of course, younger children need guidance and correction. But it is an entirely different story once they reach adulthood. And yet, we have such a hard time letting go, don't we? We are so worried about them, and our love for them is so intense that we want the very best for them. We feel like we know what that is, and they do not. Maybe we do, maybe we don't. I do know that God knows what is best for them, and I better follow His example of stepping back and letting them learn, without my interference.
If help or opinions are ASKED for, then by all means, share your wisdom and thoughts. But if it's not, then we need to show some love and restraint.
My dear friend, if you see yourself as one who feels that others need your help and advice, regardless of whether they asked for it or not, some changes may be in order. Tactics like trying to persuade them or guilt them into doing what you feel like is right can only damage your relationship with them. They will resent what you are trying to do. Remember how it was to be a young adult, and how you may have resented similar comments aimed at you. Please love them enough to step back. If you can do that for them, the reward for you is immeasurable. You will have more peace, and the burden is lifted from your shoulders. You don't have to fix their life. God will be there for them, and you can relax. If a mistake is made, it's okay. It's their mistake, their lesson, their life. You can just focus on yourself and what God would like YOU to learn, and trust that He is in charge and has it all figured out. What a relief!
If you are an adult who is dealing with a family member who just can't seem to realize that you are able to make your own choices, it's perfectly fine to either call them on it, or keep your distance. It's a form of control, and you know how I feel about that. No one has the right to make decisions for you, no matter how good their intention are, or how right they feel they are. Giving in to their guilt trip only encourages them to keep 'guiding' you. Stand up and claim your authenticity and be true to you. You and God can decide together which road you should take, or how you should correct any mistake you may have made. He sees mistakes differently than we do....they are simply learning tools.
Take a deep breath and trust in yourself and in God just a little bit more today.
Love, Michelle
