When someone hurts us deeply, the natural human behavior is to build a wall around ourselves so that no one can ever hurt us again. I would daresay that you have done this at least one time in your life. I have done it more than once. Evidently I'm a slow learner.
There are many things I could say about this, but I'm going to cut right to the core. When you want something, you will never get it if you don't risk. You can choose to protect yourself forever, but then you will never have what you want. Cocooning yourself may be necessary for a time so you can heal, but eventually, when your desire to have a loving committed relationship is present, risking your heart again is necessary to have it.
You'll notice that I'm not talking about rebuilding trust in a relationship where trust has already been broken. I have not found success in that area. It has been my experience that I have to be away from the person who hurt me to completely heal. I do know that it is possible to rebuild trust within a relationship, because I know people who have done it and have a successful marriage. I'm not one of those people and I can only write what I know.
I do know this: To treat a new person in our life as if they will betray us like the last one did does not get us what we want, and it is very unfair to the new person. It keeps us in a continual loop of loneliness and pain. In order to heal we must get outside that loop.
So how do we do that?
After you have taken the time needed to heal from the betrayal of someone you have loved and trusted, when you feel stronger and ready to move on, then the decision to trust is simply that; a decision. You can decide to be brave and trust someone new, a level at a time, when you find someone who has the qualities in a partner that you want. The other part of that is to be someone THEY can trust. We attract what we focus on. Focusing on trust and companionship, knowing that we deserve it and can have it, will bring it to us.
Are you attracted to happy, successful people? I know I am....I love being around those people who exude happiness and confidence. And you know what they all say? They automatically trust others to have the best intentions towards them. And they don't worry about being betrayed. They EXPECT loyalty and all things good from those around them. And if someone decides not to give that to them, they don't spend time with that person and they move on. They know that they deserve the best, they expect it, and they don't associate with people who go through life hurting others. They simply move away from them and gravitate to those who are like themselves....loving, trusting, confident and happy. If you are saying to yourselves that they must be lucky, let me assure you that all the truly happy, successful people I know or have studied with, have all been deeply hurt by the betrayal of someone they loved and trusted. They have learned, as I have, that trusting others is a conscience decision. They have moved above and away from the pain from their past to build a happy life and successful relationships with others. That decision and attitude gives them power over their own destiny, just as it will give you power over yours.
I go over more of this process of healing and trusting in my new book, 'Move On Be Happy-Getting Past Betrayal', so watch for it later this year. Know in your heart that happiness is possible, and that the power to create it is inside you. You are a powerful being, and everything you want WANTS YOU, my friend.
Love, Michelle
No comments:
Post a Comment