The Best Decision I Ever Made

Let me throw some words out at you.  Faith.  Hope. Trust.  What comes to your mind?  What emotions do you feel when you read or say those words?

Maybe those words cause you to feel irritation and pain....maybe they make you feel peaceful and calm.  Or perhaps invigorated and energetic.  That depends on where you are in your journey on this earth.  What you lived through and what you are learning right now.

I'm going to share a secret with you....something very personal.  It is the single most important decision I ever made in my life.

When I was at my very lowest, after I experienced the betrayal of my former husband's infidelity when my children were very young, I was in so much pain I didn't know how I could keep going.  The pain in my heart manifested in an actual physical pain in my chest and stomach that never went away.

It had been eight months since I learned of his infidelity and I had suffered a complete breakdown, and yet it felt like it had happened yesterday.  I woke up in the middle of the night and wrapped myself in a big cotton quilt and curled up on my couch and looked out into the night sky, wondering if God was there.  At that time in my life I was angry with God and thought he didn't care about me.  My attitude was, 'hey just leave me alone and I'll leave you alone'.  I had felt that way for about four years.

That night I felt so hopeless and broken and I knew something had to change.  What had I not tried to help me heal?  I felt very, very alone and small.

I desperately needed someone to be bigger than me to fix all of this.  I was so tired of fighting life and having everything fall on my shoulders.  I needed someone to help me carry the tremendous load I was carrying.  So I did the only thing left to try.....

I prayed.  I started timid and quiet, and then more open and pleading.  I told God that I obviously didn't have any answers and I desperately needed help.  I was so broken that I was willing to let Him lead me.  I would do whatever He prompted me to do.  I needed help raising and comforting my children, and I needed help healing from my broken heart.  I told Him everything....and turned my life over to Him so I could survive.

And that's when the miracle took place.  I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion of praying and sobbing, and when I awoke a few hours later, the pain that I felt in my chest was greatly diminished!  It was noticeably reduced right from the moment I woke up and could hear my babies.  What a great relief!  I silently prayed again, so grateful.

So that's my big secret.  Simple. Profound.  Real. What I've learned is that God loves each of us and He is very aware of every single thought and experience we have.  He adores us and wants to communicate with us.  All we have to do is allow Him to do that.

There are many things that helped me heal from that very painful experience, and all of those things are in the book I'm writing.  Complete healing took time, of course.  And of all the things that worked, trusting God and letting Him direct me helped the very most.  It was the best thing I ever did...for myself and for my family. 

If you've tried everything else, try giving complete surrender and trust to the One who loves you most.....you might find that you wish, like I did, that you had tried that first.

Love, Michelle